Feeding the Many Faces of Identity

We are complex creatures, made up of a mosaic of identities—each piece a vital part of who we are. I’m a mother, a partner, a therapist, a friend, an advocate, a sexual being, an artist, a human. You might be an employee, an athlete, a creative, or a leader in your community. The point is, we all wear a collection of different hats, each representing an aspect of our personal identity. The challenge, though, is remembering that each of these aspects deserves to be fed, nurtured, and honored in our day-to-day lives.

I know firsthand how easy it is to get lost in one identity, especially the roles that demand the most from us. Being a mom can swallow you whole. Being a partner can pull you into a world where your needs fall behind someone else’s. Our jobs, especially, can consume us, leaving little room for other facets of ourselves to breathe. It’s a natural cycle, but what happens when we ignore the rest of ourselves? It’s like trying to live with only half of your heart pumping—you might still be standing, but you’re not fully alive.

The Many Sides of You

Each aspect of identity is essential. For me, motherhood is profound—it’s raw and grounding. But I can’t exist only as a mother, because when I ignore other parts of myself, resentment and burnout follow. I also need to feed the part of me that craves intellectual stimulation in my work as a therapist. I need connection and intimacy in my partnership. I need the freedom of artistic expression, and I need the independence that comes from my identity as a sexual, whole woman.

It’s not about putting all identities on an equal plane every day, because that’s not realistic. But it’s about checking in with yourself: Which parts of me have been neglected? Am I feeding my creative side? Have I been nurturing my friendships? Is the athlete in me yearning for movement? These are the questions we should be asking ourselves daily.

When One Identity Takes Over

We’ve all been there—when one identity overpowers the rest. Maybe it’s the work grind that has you answering emails at 10 p.m. and forgetting the last time you did something just for you. Maybe it’s being caught up in the expectations of others and losing track of what you need. Or perhaps you’ve let the “friend” or “partner” identity consume you to the point where your boundaries blur, leaving no room for the self.

This isn’t about blaming ourselves for getting lost in one aspect of our identity, because, let’s be real, life happens. But it’s about reminding ourselves to come back, to step into the fullness of who we are. We’re allowed to claim space for every part of us, unapologetically.

How to Feed Each Part of You

So how do we nurture these identities? It’s not as hard as it sounds. Sometimes it’s in the small, daily actions that make all the difference. For example:

• The Parent in you might need just ten minutes of full, present connection with your child. Not while answering emails, but undistracted—on the floor, in their world.
• The Partner in you might need an intimate conversation, not just about logistics or parenting, but about dreams, desires, and simply enjoying each other’s presence.
• The Sexual Being in you might need to reconnect with your body, not for anyone else, but for yourself. To feel alive, empowered, sensual—whether it’s through touch, movement, or a moment of solitude to reclaim your desires.
• The Creative in you might need to put paint on a canvas, fingers to a piano, or words to a blank page. To create for the sake of creating, without judgment.
• The Athlete in you might need movement—not for fitness goals or external validation—but because your body craves to move, stretch, and feel powerful.
• The Friend in you might need to reach out, have that heart-to-heart, or just laugh until your sides hurt. Connection feeds the soul in ways nothing else can.

The key is intention—intentional time, energy, and focus on each part of who you are. It doesn’t always have to be balanced; life rarely allows that. But regularly checking in, nurturing each identity, even in small doses, keeps us whole.

The Power of Integration

What’s beautiful is that these identities don’t exist in silos. They weave together, often in ways we don’t even realize. Who you are as a parent influences who you are as an employee, and vice versa. Your sexual identity fuels your creativity. Your role as a friend strengthens your ability to be a better partner. It’s all connected, and when we honor each aspect of ourselves, we become more grounded, more alive, and more ourselves.

So, take a moment today to ask: Which part of me has been left starving? How can I feed that part? It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking five minutes to yourself, doing something that brings you joy, or saying “no” when something doesn’t align with your needs.

Feed each part of you. You deserve to be whole. You deserve to feel alive in all your identities.